Just a few things that really piss me off:

· Astrologers.
Every day, in every paper there is, there is a full-time paid bull-shitter spewing absolute shite. I happen to be a Leo which actually means jack shit. But there are some people that believe that because I am, I will receive an important phone call from work, I will be lucky with money and I will almost definitely catch a virus from a Taliban boar. Why? Because Uranus is close to mars, which in turn means that Pluto must be aligned with Jupiter. Well I have a news flash:
Everyone that believes that the alignment of planets and stars has any effect on specifics of anyone’s life is quite clearly a dumb-fuck.

· Work
Work really grips my shit. I would rather bathe naked on a bed of Vlad the Impalers victims on a hot beach in Egypt (it smells worse than normal) for the rest of my life on earth than have to go to that dip-shit infested cesspit for another eight-hour shift. It’s so bad that occasionally I consider leaving and having no money or anything instead of listening to the people at work talk at me. I work with a family of inbred paedophiles that can’t count to eleven because they don’t have enough fingers. It really boils my piss. One of the women (she’s 20) is so fucking stupid that she believed me when I told her that ‘labia’ was a type of boiled sweet. One of them believed that to test if the oil in a deep fat fryer is at the correct temperature, you have to dip your finger in it and taste it; and if it tastes like nuts then its ready. The oil was at 190°C when he tested it. Needless to say, he didn’t get to taste it. Seriously.

· Screaming and crying
These are two of the things I detest. When I hear a woman/child scream it enrages me so much that I feel as though I should take them out the quickest way I know:





I feel much the same way about crying. It makes me feel sick.
Hammer. Enough said.

-Damien