Gillette: the sadist’s choice
I decided to have a shave last night and the razor I had bought a while back happened to be a Gillette turbo. I whacked on some of the shave gel and cautiously started to shave off the sick little hairs. The advert that I saw for this razor said that it was their “closest ever shave!”
And they were definitely not joking; this thing removed the hair from the roots, about four layers of skin in! It was fine at first but then I looked away to clean the blades off and when I went back to looking in the mirror there was blood dripping down my face. It looked as though I had tried shaving with a 12-gauge loaded with rock salt. Every four or five millimetres was stippled with blood. And the small area that had no blood on was raw.
I bet women made the razor. Not only that but feminist bitches. Trying to get at us blokes for being the superior and dominant species. It’s not our fault bitch! I hate feminists.
As my friend would say:
“There is a simple cure for feminism, it’s called a cordless hammer drill and can be found in any good hardware store.”
Can they not make a razor that does not have the “closest ever shave” attachment? The bloody disposable razors are just as bad. The difference is that it works out cheaper to buy disposables than it does to buy replacement blades. Oh, and they are jagged like a hunting knife or nautilus.
Maybe I should have bought one of their older razors that shaved not quite so close to the jawbone. Now they have the “Gillette Quattro. The choice for men.” More like the choice for self-harmers with style. Maybe the “Quattro” part is proportional to the amount of layers of skin it can remove with a single stroke.
Thanks Gillette, next time maybe I will try to shave with a carbon steel katana.
-Damien
And they were definitely not joking; this thing removed the hair from the roots, about four layers of skin in! It was fine at first but then I looked away to clean the blades off and when I went back to looking in the mirror there was blood dripping down my face. It looked as though I had tried shaving with a 12-gauge loaded with rock salt. Every four or five millimetres was stippled with blood. And the small area that had no blood on was raw.
I bet women made the razor. Not only that but feminist bitches. Trying to get at us blokes for being the superior and dominant species. It’s not our fault bitch! I hate feminists.
As my friend would say:
“There is a simple cure for feminism, it’s called a cordless hammer drill and can be found in any good hardware store.”
Can they not make a razor that does not have the “closest ever shave” attachment? The bloody disposable razors are just as bad. The difference is that it works out cheaper to buy disposables than it does to buy replacement blades. Oh, and they are jagged like a hunting knife or nautilus.
Maybe I should have bought one of their older razors that shaved not quite so close to the jawbone. Now they have the “Gillette Quattro. The choice for men.” More like the choice for self-harmers with style. Maybe the “Quattro” part is proportional to the amount of layers of skin it can remove with a single stroke.
Thanks Gillette, next time maybe I will try to shave with a carbon steel katana.
-Damien
posted by Damien at Tuesday, September 20, 2005
1 Comments:
You think I am sad enough to sign up for an online dating service? Fuck you.
If I were that lonely I would pick up the phone and call for an escort. Come to think of it, you might answer. BITCH.
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