Another day; another blackout.
(today Is not easter sunday now, but that's when I wrote It)
Today is now Easter Sunday. It’s approximately 12:16am. My apologies to my friend, I am sorry I did not call Dave. I was just starting to tidy my room when I suffered another blackout from exhaustion. The thing that pisses me off is that I don’t feel any better now I’m awake again. I feel just as tired as I did; I have a splitting headache (which I blame on not sleeping enough, although this might not be the cause.) I ache all over and feel like I’m in a state of strange unconsciousness.
It’s a really weird feeling. I look around and nothing seems real. It sounds ridiculous, but I’m serious. This feels like it’s killing me, it’s been over three years now, and I still can’t sleep like everyone else does. The doctor says that I cannot die from chronic insomnia. Which also irritates me in a way, because it means that no matter how shit I feel, that’s all it is; it doesn’t seem to be a proper illness. I just stay awake, praying to God that I might have maybe an hours sleep just so I don’t have to think about how shit I feel. It’s selfish really. I know that there are people out there far worse off than me, yet I can’t help but feel like not being able to sleep is unfair. I should pray for others that are in real pain; not pray for something as trivial as just a single good nights sleep.
Just recently I feel like a bad person. There are some things I have done that I regret, and there are some bad things that I have done that I cannot honestly apologise for. I pray for God to forgive my sins. But what about those that I’m not sorry for? I don’t regret doing them, and if the situation arose again; I would do exactly the same things, despite knowing that it’s wrong. So what does this mean? I will go to Hell for this?
On another note, I take way too many paracetamol tablets (due to the permanent headache.) maybe this is why they don’t work? I have about three quarters of a box a day. (About 12 500mg tablets.) I know I shouldn’t, it says not to exceed more than eight a day on the pack, but I find that they don’t work properly so I increase the dose.
I have a job interview on Tuesday. Hopefully that will go well, I’ve been out of work for about a month and a half now. It’s really starting to get me down.
The job interview went well i thought, but the job went to someone with more experience in the field. pissed me off, but try, try again.
-Damien
Today is now Easter Sunday. It’s approximately 12:16am. My apologies to my friend, I am sorry I did not call Dave. I was just starting to tidy my room when I suffered another blackout from exhaustion. The thing that pisses me off is that I don’t feel any better now I’m awake again. I feel just as tired as I did; I have a splitting headache (which I blame on not sleeping enough, although this might not be the cause.) I ache all over and feel like I’m in a state of strange unconsciousness.
It’s a really weird feeling. I look around and nothing seems real. It sounds ridiculous, but I’m serious. This feels like it’s killing me, it’s been over three years now, and I still can’t sleep like everyone else does. The doctor says that I cannot die from chronic insomnia. Which also irritates me in a way, because it means that no matter how shit I feel, that’s all it is; it doesn’t seem to be a proper illness. I just stay awake, praying to God that I might have maybe an hours sleep just so I don’t have to think about how shit I feel. It’s selfish really. I know that there are people out there far worse off than me, yet I can’t help but feel like not being able to sleep is unfair. I should pray for others that are in real pain; not pray for something as trivial as just a single good nights sleep.
Just recently I feel like a bad person. There are some things I have done that I regret, and there are some bad things that I have done that I cannot honestly apologise for. I pray for God to forgive my sins. But what about those that I’m not sorry for? I don’t regret doing them, and if the situation arose again; I would do exactly the same things, despite knowing that it’s wrong. So what does this mean? I will go to Hell for this?
On another note, I take way too many paracetamol tablets (due to the permanent headache.) maybe this is why they don’t work? I have about three quarters of a box a day. (About 12 500mg tablets.) I know I shouldn’t, it says not to exceed more than eight a day on the pack, but I find that they don’t work properly so I increase the dose.
I have a job interview on Tuesday. Hopefully that will go well, I’ve been out of work for about a month and a half now. It’s really starting to get me down.
The job interview went well i thought, but the job went to someone with more experience in the field. pissed me off, but try, try again.
-Damien
posted by Damien at Friday, April 28, 2006
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home